just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
