We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
