You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
