And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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