I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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