There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
