And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
