I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
