Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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