Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
