I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
