I want you more than these girls want KFC
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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