I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
