oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
