she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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