Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
