Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
