Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
