chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
