Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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