what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
