so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
