It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
