you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
