2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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