does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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