"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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