so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
