drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
