I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
