I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
