please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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