i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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