My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
