What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
