Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
