I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
