it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
