His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
