The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
