closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drake has all the answers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
