I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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