A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
