i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
