Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
