Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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