I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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