im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
