Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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