I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
