He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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