Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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