We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm both gender and math confused
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
