we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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