There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
