Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
