i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
