having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
