I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
