i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this boner is exhausting
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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